Yesterday, I was too lazy to shower so right before I went to bed i washed my face. And to not get any of my hair wet I tied it up in a small ponytail and put on a headband that I had for years.
but gUUUUurrrlLLLLLL wow w00w GUurrrlll W0W. for some reason out of all those years of having that headband for the first time ever I took some time to look at the headband more closely.. AND GURLLLLLLLLL there was a crown on the side (which i kind of noticed a long time ago but never really took the care to examine it well) and when I FLIPPED THAT DANG CUTE LITTLE PIECE OF METAL OVER IT SAID “J-ESTINA”
take some time to let that sink in guys (jk who reads this AHAHAH)
BUT THE REASON WHY I WAS LIKE HOLLA TO THE MAMA IN THE LLAMA WAS CUZ THAT SHIT IS EXPENSIVE.
AND I KINDA WATCH ALL THEIR CF’S (especially the one with kim soo hyun and kaya scodelario <— which who i think does not match well with my beloved hubby but i guess is pretty decent looking… frack ok she is beautiful)
AND YEAH SO NOW I HAVE 2 J-ESTINA STUFF SOMEONE HOLLA AT ME (cuz i see no immediate holla i shall give myself a holla: “hollA LLAMA”
<3333333 u dont understand the joy i got by just flipping that dang piece of metal CUZ IT TOTALLY CHANGED MY VIEWS OF THAT HEADBAND AND NOW IT IS IN DELICATE AND CAREFUL HANDS OF MINE.
*still crying over the magnificence*
(ps to the future me who reads this: yes i am weird and a little to overly happy over a headband)
Many people feel they don’t deserve to be happy. If that is you then think about the following, too: 1. Feelings are unreliable. Don’t trust them when they tell you “happiness is not for you.” 2. You’re absolutely worth it – no matter what you think! You are valuable, significant, and special…
The pots you broke a few days ago has only been realized today and you have brought utter dejection to someone very special. Although she has not much, she enjoys simple objects such as flowers and mini trees in pots… and now that I think about it, those were little moments of her life that made her happy. Like in the book The Raisin in the Sun, Mama cares for the only plant she has, lovingly because it is the only hope that carries her through her life. It is her hope. Yet today I realized that this idea of hope can be your sense of escape or your inlet of hell. She who has discovered that her pots have been shattered into a million pieces and thrown in the garbage today, is completely destroyed. Although the money she invested may be small, to her it is almost all she has. Once she pays off the bills, she is left almost penniless despite the amount of work she does. Yet you don’t know this because you are so incredibly stupid. I gave you a fair warning yet you don’t listen to the words. You see those pots as little obstacles in your life once again, and you intend to break them to move on forward. But you see, you continue to dwell in the past and I can see it when you buy the beef soup from LA and when you tell me you regret moving here. Even when someone texts you, you are concerned about the next thing to type. You deviate within the social norms of society because even though you are older than anyone in this house, you are fearful of the world your brother horrified you with when you were younger. So you break those pots to cleanse your body that is not even tired or worn out.
I think there comes a time in any point of anyone’s lives where there is no point in going on; no point in giving it any more hope. You just learn to accept the harsh reality there is to it and move on. My friend a few days ago had told me something in hopes to lift my spirits: “If you tried your best, that’s all that matters.” Though she may never read this I want to thank her. Thank you for giving myself a chance to reflect on myself and learn to let things go. Ive learned that these numbers and letters don’t represent my true identity.
Overall I’m very excited for what the future holds and hope to be happy.
And Kayla if you get to read this, thanks for always supporting me and giving me joy in my life. I sometimes wonder why I was blessed with such an amazing friend because you understand me so much more than anyone else in this world. You let me understand to love the simple pleasures of life rather focusing on the things that concern us, so thank you. ♡
We dial the number on the phone hoping that she picks up just so that we can listen to the voice that is always so worried. We know she is hiding things to us but she always responds defiantly, “Don’t worry, I am alright here. Just make sure that you are healthy. Don’t eat greasy foods. Do you need anything? I’ll get it for you-“
And we stop her there. My mom passes the phone to me and I always say these words to her “—- are you alright there? Please be healthy and I miss you.”
On the other side of the phone, she listens to me, she waits for me. I know I have so much more to say to her but I only say the words I always say when I get passed the phone; “Please be healthy and I miss you.”
I always pray for her health and that hopefully she won’t have any medical issues. And that I will see her one day, maybe not this year, but hopefully very soon.
And this prayer goes in every one of mine.
She tells me to promise her to “Study hard so that you can stay here with me. So that you can come and work here.”
And my eyes start to formulate little teardrops that try so hard to not fall because I wistfully long for where she is.
One day I want to say something different to her on the phone, “I am ready to come.”
And one day that will happen, grandma, it will happen very soon. Just you wait for me with open arms.
Life is too short to not live and to not be able to experience everything around you to the fullest capacity of its enormity and beauty. However, before I realized this, I disregarded the simple pleasures of life; these things have not before held the meaning to me as they do now. They were normal, habitual, typical, and ordinary and were continuously marginalized because they lacked a spectacular quality, portraying an exiguity of modernity, newfangled contraption. I can still remember the sense of elation I got from the simple acts of nature when I was little, such as the warmth radiating from the gazing sunlight peeping through the crevice of white sheets hanging on a clothes line in the middle of summer, or of the changing seasons that always makes its way to bring along new scents of flowers and fresh cut grass. However, as I grew older I became more and more aware of how I neglected these precious life moments because of the materialistic mindset of our society as our everyday lives don’t converse with other human beings about the unexceptional moments that make up most of our lives. We want to sound enticing, something more unique than the lives of others, and I found that I have been taking for granted the details of my own existence. I became more consumed with the stresses of modern life and one day my mother whose voice is more captivating and calming than the opening bars of the gentlest sonata ever composed, brought to my attention the situation I was in and asked me, “What makes you happy, Hannah? What in your life is significant to you?” Strikingly, I couldn’t answer, the breath was sucked out of me like a balloon gasping for air. When she saw that I had trouble answering she added, “Hannah, embrace your life with full arms. Live with contentment, your life is a gift! No life is limited in opportunities, relish the adventures you take and treasure the ordinary. Just breathe.” After my mom explained this to me, I realized that the normal moments that mold my life are where the meaning of my life is found. They were the precious memories I will always look back to and wistfully yearn to partake in again. My life was blessed and today, my average day-to-day life does not seem as meaningless as it seemed a few years ago. Now I find that I enjoy the sound of seconds ticking by on a clock. Not because it is the sound of passing time but because it is the sound of taking notice and observing the time that passes. Today I find contentment in the humming birds next to my house, in which a few years ago made me vexed by the noise it made. However, today, now, and in the future I hope it will bring me a beautiful, colorful light into my world.
I am grateful for the way seasons change according to the rotation of the Earth with a month and date to mark each change. Or how sunlight feels on my skin before it hides behind the clouds that follow the pattern of the wind, changing as the weather does along with the seasons and always bringing along new scents of flowers, rain, cut grass and campfires.
Or even for familiar interactions with family, mediocre conversations with acquaintances, annoyances of strangers and common pleasures shared with close friends.
These things have not before held the meaning to me as they do now.
They are normal. Habitual. Typical. Ordinary.
I disregarded them because I could summarize them in a single, painfully shallow, word. They lack a spectacular quality.
When asked if anything significant has happened in your life recently, do you mention these things?
We don’t converse about the unexceptional moments that make up most of our lives. We want to sound exciting; our lives to seem enticing. And what is there exciting to discuss over how tasty my hot cup of coffee was last Wednesday morning while I was sitting on a porch enjoying a breeze? Exactly my point. Nothing.
The truth is; no one cares to hear about our ordinary moments, habits, typical interactions and small details that form most of what we call life. We ourselves often do not care. We take for granted the details of our own existence by enjoying them half-heartedly as our minds are consumed by stresses of modern life, posts by a long list of people you hardly know on social media, or perhaps by the distraction of waiting for whatever “exciting” plans you may have made this coming weekend. But hey, maybe those plans will give you a story to tell instead of me describing my cup of coffee -though it really was delicious.
Oh how meaningless an average day can seem.
But now I find that I enjoy the sound of seconds ticking on the clock.
Not because it is the sound of passing time.
But because it is the sound of taking notice and observing the time that passes.
I realize now that the ordinary, typical, normal moments that mold my life are where the meaning in my life is to be found. They are the precious activities you only miss when you can no longer partake in them.
Most crave normal when they can not have it; yet they loathe it when they do?
There is peace in forgetting your busy schedule if only for a second to watch the clouds pass by. There is joy in experiencing the seasons around you instead of daydreaming of being somewhere else. There is contentment in living in each moment instead of allowing them to fade by unnoticed. Indulge your senses with what is real.
Life is a gift constructed of unextraordinary moments and occasional adventures mixed between; neither one being more important than the other. A balance of the two is required.
Life is limited and no one knows what limit they’ve been given, so take each moment as it comes.
Relish the adventures and treasure what’s ordinary -because that cup of coffee you drank on a chill Wednesday morning while you were daydreaming of your plans the following weekend may be your last.
So stop daydreaming.
Turn off your phone.
And enjoy your damn coffee.
It is in our natural blood that we as individual human beings carry. We may be unique and have our own characteristics, styles; but in the end, we come back to where we all came from, the nature of all humanity.
“Treat others like you want to be treated.”
This quote is rather generic and overused, but with deeper analysis we can connect the personal stories of ourselves back to this quote. However, I have always had problems with this as well. The transformation I undertook was gradual and painstaking but now I truly understand the mindworkings of other people. I try to be a nice person, but yet people still backlash and treat others like they are lower than them. When logically, no one is lower than anyone who was born on the face of this earth. No one is superior over one another other than God. There is no reason to look down on people because we are all brothers and sisters.
YOU may make the decision to criticize the way people are, but YOU are also criticizing a work of masterpiece God has created. YOU are undermining his work. I hope you consider yourself a GREAT PERSON.
As humans, we are not perfect. And as individuals we understand this concept and conceive ourselves this way. However, why do we strive to be perfect? No one ever told us we had to be the ideal or the quintessential human being we are not. Yet humanity always works the opposite in my opinion. Reality forces us to endeavor on bigger and better things. And because of this reality scares me. Me, who loves the simple joys of life, is soon forced to think like many of the same warped up human beings. Because, just loving simple things cannot get you anywhere in life. It is just simply not enough.
1. remember that astronomers pointed the hubble telescope into a patch of the night sky that was completely empty, void of stars and light. 11 days later, they found recovered an image from that dark spot, discovering over 10,000 galaxies in a place scientists believed had no light.
one galaxy holds hundreds of millions of stars, so even when you feel empty, know that there are stars beneath your skin that you may not see but others do. radiate for others and shine even when you feel as hollow as broken smirnoff handles and as worthless as beer-stained carpet.
shine for yourself.
2. does your heart hurt? the heart is a muscle, and like muscles do, gets stronger. your heart beats approximately 100,000 times a day for you, because it wants you to live. remember this the next time you feel your heart wrenched in sadness and a loneliness that encourages you to jump from the top of an apartment complex. your heart is a muscle, and muscles cannot break.
your heart is stronger than you think.
3. 400 years ago when Shakespeare wrote sonnets and plays, he was looking at the same moon that we see now. the same moon that the Mayans and Egyptians looked up and marveled at still lights us from the dark.
it might be hard to imagine now, but one day things will change for you. just ask the moon, which has seen how we change century to century, year to year, and second to second.
Why are you so afraid when something stops dead in their tracks? Because you can’t move? Because you can’t see the future?
However, it is a mere ant in the way. A small creature that can barely do anything harmful to yourself.
Stop judging the past. Fix yourself. It’s not like you can do anything better.
Although there are many opportunities in this world. If you continue to dwell in the past and the pain of the present, you will never be able to strike into the successful path of the future. You will never be able to accomplish your inner aspirations.
What could be happening in someone else’s minds right now?
They might be thinking about the errands they would possibly run today, the plans they have set for another day, the places they might go…
A day is filled with the numerous possibilities of doing anything you wish.
A day is filled with the second chances to possibly change your life. But why do human beings falter when something is not set out for them like they thought it would? Like me… Why should other people’s words control the schedule you have set out for yourself? The pleasure you have planned out is not going to happen. Next time I will learn in those situations to ask why. Why I can not go. I have opportunities and I will use them to my greatest ability.
You ask me why I raise my voice except when you raised yours, I didn’t judge the tone of your voice.
You ask me why things have happened this way, except there was no one else but you to do it.
You ask me if I changed, just to know.
You think you are solemn and considerate, but you haven’t even thought about what happened.
You just blurted it out.
You know you’re outrageous in the end… You know what you have done wrong… and I’m here crying because I can see your face repeating over and over again of that time when your voice almost never seemed to dwindle.
You must be very tired now. Because after your strike of anger, you just die down like nothing had happened.
And when she comes, you tell me not to tell her. And I, afraid that when we meet tomorrow again that you might hit me, I stay quiet.
But she knows. And He in the universe knows what has happened so clearly. The face of me at that instant; pure fear and arrogance.
It is a sin to say this but, I wish I could never see you again. Please… away from all your sensitiveness… away from the pain you give everyone who surrounds you for the slightest moment.
You never had friends anyway… imagine living a life without me… without her. You will have no one by your side… alone. Imagine that kind of life.
Life is too short to not live; and to not be able to experience everything around you to the fullest capacity of its enormity and beauty. Yet to some people… they find it moral to be sad or depressed for no apparent reason. I want to say to them: “You are not underprivileged. You were born because you have a reason to live in this world. May that reason only affect one person or a thousand… it doesn’t matter. You are special and you are loved beyond means by God. He will stay by your side when all you have is him. Even after you lose everything… He will be there…He will he there to guide you… He will be there to caress you. Do not be afraid. Today I remembered to pray to Him to guide me through the day and laid all my troubles in His arms. And He listened and he did. You too are not alone. This world is not full of liberties, not empty of greed, nor will it guarantee you the eminence or the success of life. However, you have the power to change. The world is beautiful, you just need to see it.
Some say that “home is where the heart is;” however, to others it’s the opposite.
Whenever someone speaks there minds and expresses it in the utmost radical form, I always feel a tension in my heart… as if the pain is so overwhelming and dimensional that my emotions shift rapidly from one to the next. Afterwards, I stare at the person glaringly… in which inside my head is a whirlwind of the most fatal words you could possibly think of… a feeling even I am not so fond of myself, although I am the one controlling my thoughts. In some ways, I guess you could say that I am strongly opinionated and in other ways you could view me as an overly cynical person. But honestly, other people don’t concern me at all.
“It wasn’t until
I was out of my mind
that I noticed
the angry people spoke
with their hands,
the happy people spoke
with their eyes,
and the sad people
at all.”—at all, k.p.k (via towritepoems)
How vast such an emotion is. Alike the hot and stifling weather today, his emotions are like a surge of weakness and lack of power.
I hate how his forehead crinkles when he stresses and his stupid advice to me on life. What do you know about life? You sleep like a bear and eat like a pig, yet you don’t even give a crap in helping the family economically. Fix yourself before you criticize others because there is a damn lot of stuff you’ve been doing wrong in your life. Why don’t you make your life meaningful instead of sitting at home reading self-improvement books thinking “Why didn’t I get a chance to read this when I was young? It would have helped me so much.” Shut up and let’s be real! Even if you were able to turn back the time you would not be able to change the life you live like today because of your attitude, because no one, in the whole world, can fix that but yourself. So good luck on life and why don’t you take a good look around at the environment your living in right now and be grateful. Stop gossiping about your brother like he’s the one that ruined your life because you, with your own hands, created you as an individual and no one else.